Do you seek validation from others?
Do you change who you are to try and make others like you?
Do you ever feel ‘not good enough’ when comparing yourself with others?
Believe me, I can relate. Growing up I was a high-achiever. Awards, recognition, top marks, were a normal part of my life. I worked hard, and enjoyed the accolades.
But the awards and results weren’t enough. Underneath, I still carried a feeling of not being ‘good enough’. I felt that I had to earn love, and prove my worthiness. When receiving an award I would feel validated, that my existence was indeed worthwhile. And then the feeling would pass. I would be driven to do it again, find another project to ace, find another group of friends to impress. I had low self-esteem.
I was not aware that this was my behavioural pattern, until having been a full-time Mum for a number of years. As a Mum I felt isolated from the rest of the working world. I was the first of my generation of family and friends to have children, and felt left-out, almost abandoned. My self-respect suffered. As I was not earning any money, I felt my role in life was diminished, and my personal power had been withdrawn. I was in a downward spiral, my relationship with my husband and myself suffered. I was not able to love myself and felt that I was no longer receiving the love from my husband that I thought I needed from him. This was a low point in my life.
And then I started martial arts. I discovered that I did indeed still have some power, the ability to learn, and the opportunity to make friends. The only problem was that I was still looking for validation outside of myself. One of the high-ranking students in our club gave me positive feedback about my progress, which I viewed as affection. I became addicted to his positive comments, and secretly yearned for his feedback. I was having a mental affair with this training partner, though I had barely spoken with him in real life. I still loved my husband, and felt guilty for having thoughts about another man. But it felt so good to think that someone saw good in me, so I indulged in these thoughts for almost 10 months. Unfortunately the guilt that I was carrying was building up over this time, and eventually presented itself physically as mid-cycle bleeding.
It was then that my soul decided it was time for me to awaken spiritually. My husband and I attended a personal development workshop, and our minds were expanded. We learnt that our thoughts create the experience of our life, and that the physical happenings in our life were directly related to our thoughts and feelings. I realised that my guilt was creating the bleeding! What a shock!
I also realised that I was looking for validation from others. And that it was time to change. I needed to be my own cheerleader…
Over the past 5 years I have taken a new path and am indeed living into that desire of being my own cheerleader. I have an affirmation that I read every morning. It says:
I am inspiring, enchanting, loving and creative.
I know that this is the type of person I choose to be, and now make decisions based on their alignment to this statement. I have consciously surrounded myself with people who will assist me in maintaining this direction in my life, and who can help me stay on track when I occasionally forget my own value.
What do you do to be your own cheerleader? I would love for you to leave me a comment with your thoughts and ideas!
With infinite love & gratitude,